Mine is a story of unhinged lust and sacrilege.
My name is Okiemute Omotekoro Ighovavwerhe. I am from the Urhobo tribe of Delta State, Nigeria, West Africa. I have a passioned hate for myself and all that surrounds me. This includes my two children. I am not relaying this story as a “cry for help” or to play the victim, Some things just need to be said. I hope you can understand or at least pretend to, when you are done hearing my story. So here goes,
Since I can remember, I can describe my father’s private in vivid details. It was very hard for me initially to have such carnal knowledge of the person who brought me into this world but I got used to it. Whenever mummy is away, Daddy and I would have fun. I remember it being unimaginably painful the first couple of times, but opened up a little more and it became relatively easy. I think the first time my dad visited his princess, I was eight years old, mom was away for a business conference. Those used to last three to five weeks, (now that I think about it, I wonder if those conferences did last that long) Daddy was lonely and he needed to be with his wife, so he settled for me, since I was a replica. I didn’t have any breasts or anything at the time but he managed.
By the time I clocked 14, I already developed an Electra Complex. I hated my mother and was disgusted by her. She couldn’t do anything right. I believed that I was the only one who could satisfy my dad. By the time, my dad and mom were having serious issues in their marriage. After about a year, when I was 15, they separated from each other and it was blissful for my dad and I, because we got to have unhindered sex. I thought I was loved by my Dad, didn’t know that he was destroying me, infact he had destroyed me. I didn’t like any boy because nobody could compare. I didn’t even give the young ones a chance. I got the shock of my life when I was in Ss3 and I got home to find my dad in bed with someone else. I was raving. The lady who he was apparently sleeping with for some time wondered why my reaction was one you’d expect from a wife and not a daughter.
I refused to forgive my father and I spoke with a psychiatrist who wanted to meet my father to assess him and lock him up, either in the psychiatric hospital or a prison cell. I refused to let them meet. Before long, I started to sleep with my psychiatrist too. Only to find out months later that he was married with a child.
From then on, I became frigid and I didn’t have an actual relationship till I was 20. By the time, I was practically an orphan as I had cut off myself from both parents. When I finally started to date, it didn’t take long for Aigbovboise to figure out that I am terribly damaged. I would refuse to make eye or body contact with him, refuse to tell him what is going on in my life, wake up from my sleep hollering and sweating with a horror-struck look on my face. He was tired, he couldn’t take it anymore. So we gave each other some space for about a year. After a year, he wanted us to get back together and I agreed. I didn’t know that he was a completely different person already. He had some issues at home and ended up running to alcohol for succor. The first time he laid his hands on me it was like a joke, we had an argument and he said that he knows I used to sleep with my father so why won’t I sleep with him. “Am I not old enough for you”, he said. I didn’t know when I slapped his face and called him an alcoholic. I said that he should have sorted out his mess before inviting me back into his life. And what followed, I would not have anticipated in a million years. He grabbed me and started to beat me, when he had beaten me to his satisfaction, he had his way with me, to further make him feel like a man. That was it, that was the beginning of my nightmares. It went on that way. He’d ask me for sex and I’d refuse, and he’d take me by force. I might have a twisted sense of right and wrong but I knew definitely that that was wrong but having no family was no help. Also, the devil you know.
Eventually, I got pregnant and I told him that the doctor specifically instructed that I abstain from sex till delivery and possibly months after. He accused me of having sex with the doctor and he beat me till the point where I thought I was going to miscarry. I didn’t exactly want to spawn a little one with his genes, because he was a raving lunatic and a monster, but I also wanted an excuse to not be violated and manhandled for some time. I wanted some respite. He let me be most of the time but at times he’d come home drunk and take me from behind despite my pleas. I wanted to die and the world be destroyed along with me. I gave birth, postpartum depression set in and my babies were neglected. I refused to breastfeed them, I didn’t even touch them. He took the kids from me and sent me packing. I ended up on the streets and eventually in a mental hospital where I was supposed to receive treatment, I don’t think I am making any progress because I’ve been here for six months. The doctors think I should talk more about my life and not give them little details here and there. So I told them about my dream, the constant nightmare I have, the one that makes me wake up screaming and hoping to die. Here it is:
“I was about seven again, my mom was away as usual, it was my dad and I, he put me on his laps and kissed me, I was taken aback so I tried to get. Because he was not expecting it, I was able to. I dashed into the kitchen and hid in the cupboard while he called “mute, mute”. I didn’t answer and his voice became stern. He came into the kitchen and stared searching for me, I remembered the feelings of his boner on my butt, I was very scared, and I started to whimper. He must have heard me because he called out again, “mute, come out here, it will be fun, I promise, we’re going to have so much fun”. When I didn’t, he opened the cupboard and brought me out. “I’ve asked nicely”, he said. He took me by the hand, took me into the room, tied my hand to the bedpost and thrust into me, the pain was dizzying, I can still feel it sometimes. I might have passed out. The next day, he called again, “mute, mute, let’s have some fun” so I ran and hid on top of the cupboard this time, he pulled down the cupboard from the hinges and took me, there in the kitchen, on the cupboard. And the next day, he called again, “mute, mute”.”Then I laughed for about five minutes. They were all dumbstruck. They were wondering if I was lying or telling the truth, if I was lucid or raving. I guess they’ll never know.
The nurses are coming, they must not catch me writing…
My name is Mofiyinfoluwa Ero-Phillips, a student of Obafemi Awolowo University, 400 level English Language. I like to touch issues that others shy away from, especially if I have been directly or indirectly affected.