Dear Spinster,

I have been schooled on how you feel
The tokophobia you conceal
Not even Mary Kay, Elf, Maybelline or L.A girl Pro could seal the deal.
The supposition of your prospective spouse is no fear compared to the reality of becoming a mother.
The anticipated stretch marks
Headaches
Weight gain
Mood swings
Crampings
Cravings
Frequent urination
Constipation
Dizziness?
You call into question “your abilities”
How do I tend to the needs of the baby?
Meet the needs of my husband?
And still focus on looking beautiful!
Would he ever look at me the same?

It is okay if you want to be a super mum!
Your body would never be the same but it would still be beautiful.
Don’t worry, your single, childless girlfriends would eventually understand why you’ll always look like a zombie and hubby would too, but I must warn you: don’t analyse your life or marriage at least 5months after the baby is born.

Yours Sincerely
Ezigbonne.

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Dear wife,

I have been schooled on how you feel
The thoughts you conceal
Not even fertility pills, herbs or massages could seal the deal
The supposition of when your prospective child will come is no fear compared to the certainty that your mother-in-law will tag you a witch.
The predictable family meetings
Fasting and prayers
Quarrels
Regular tests
Isolation
Social stigma
Grief
Frustration
Rapid depression
You call into question “your abilities”
Will I ever have children let alone a child to call my own?
Will my husband give into the thought of taking another wife? Or better still go for the “born pikin out side, find out when I die” option?
I feel so less of a woman!

It’s okay to feel the anxiety
You’ll have children and they would be grown in a blink of the eye and you’ll remember more good time than bad and the bad you do remember will be so much funnier, but I must warn: do not give into taking organised concoctions prepared my any baba/mama lawo!! And resist visiting the ” die by fire’s, it’s your uncle that is doing you”..not all are true!

Yours Sincerely,
Ezigbonne.

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Dear failed Mum,

I have been schooled on how you feel
The “had I known” you conceal
Not even admission, explanation or justification could seal the deal
The supposition of your prospective agedness is no fear compared to the certainty that your children would be hesitant to call you mother.
Regrets can’t be sold for the patience you lost
Your selfishness
Modelling inappropriate behaviour
Neglecting your kid’s affection
Not giving your time
Failing to instil independence in your kids

You call into question “your abilities”
How could I have kept my cool?
How could I have been more involved with my kids?
How could I have been always available?
I wish I knew them ” inside -out”

It’s okay if you didn’t fall in love with your baby right away
you didn’t know what the hell you were doing anyway!.
Motherhood is a job like any other “no one loves their job every single day” and it’s all right to make mistakes.
I’m sure by now you understand motherhood entails and sadly it is everything you were not.
But I must warn: from now on? Put yourself last and first start with an apology and hope for forgiveness then acceptance may follow.

Yours sincerely,
Ezigbonne.

About The Author

Ogbonna Winner is a poet, presenter, writer and journalist. She considers herself a sapiosexual and real to a fault.

Facebook Handle: Ogbonna winner
Instagram Handle: winniechi_ice